Voice of the DBA

Category: Blog

  • A New Word: Immerensis

    immerensis – n.  the maddening inability to understand the reasons why someone loves you – almost as if you’re selling them a used car that you know has a ton of problems and requires daily tinkering just to get it to run normally, but no matter how much you try to warn them, they seem all the more eager to hop behind the wheel and see where this puppy can go.

    Most people likely go through this, unless they are very self-centered and narcissistic. Come to think of it, maybe “most” is the wrong description. I find too many people being self-centered already.

    In any case, I think lots of us wonder why someone really loves us, especially early in our relationships. We have some self-doubt, we always want to make a great impression on our dates/partners, avoiding showing them the “crazy” inside of us. I know lots of woman who avoid being seen without makeup. I know men who want to be sure they are showered and clean, avoiding having a date see them at the gym.

    I think it’s natural as you get closer to someone, as you let yourself be vulnerable to have some fear. Hopefully it’s not the maddening inability of immerensis, but just a manageable “I wonder if they’d like the whole me.”

    You should let them in. If they don’t want all of you, they don’t deserve you.

    From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

  • Back in the UK

    I flew overnight and am in the UK this week. It’s a time for me to get into the office and get some facetime with various other Redgaters while I’m over. I usually go a couple of times a year to the office and spend time with co-workers, which I find valuable to build bonds and relationships.

    I was chatting with a friend recently who is remote. Most of his data team is remote, but there is a main office in another city. They are debating Return-To-Office guidelines, and they’ve required any new hires to be in the other city.

    That’s a concern to this person, and others. Should he consider moving or look for a new job? Is there a lack of growth in this position if RTO becomes mandated. In this case, this person would rather have a remote team that gets together once a year.

    Interesting idea, and I’ve seen this in the past when different positions when there were remote teams. It can be expensive, but it can be an investment. I’ll need to think about this and maybe write a piece.

    Not much blogging this week, as it’s been a busy time, so I’ll be back next Monday with a set of more regular posts.

  • Advice I Like: Tipping

    When in doubt, overtip – from Excellent Advice for Living

    This is close to my heart, since I spent a lot of time in college and after working as a waiter and bartender.

    In the US we have a culture of 15-20% of tipping at restaurants. There are also guidelines for people handling your baggage, valets, etc. In the EU/Asia, often tipping isn’t a common thing, but that is changing a bit. I’m less familiar there, so this is my US view.

    I like to tip for service, but I also know that many people in restaurants get a very low wage. When I started working as a waiter, I got US$2.01/hour. When I stopped, I was still getting $2.01/hr. In that time, the minimum wage went from $3.35 to $5.25. The reason my wage stayed low is that it was assumed I made tips that raised me to the minimum or higher.

    My view is that if I can’t tip, I don’t go out. I tip 15% as the service for someone bringing me food and drinks. Even if the service isn’t great, the person deserves to be paid for their work and they aren’t really getting that from the establishment.

    If they do a good job and are pleasant, I usually tip 20%. If they’re great I go higher.

    However, if I’m not sure, or maybe I realize I might not be in a good mood or distracted, I overtip. Especially for breakfast service.

    It’s a few dollars for me, but it makes a big difference to someone else’s life.

    Note: The current post-pandemic world where every counter service place adds tips also annoys me. I think most of these people are being paid minimum wage and I don’t often tip, but I do when people are pleasant. Or I appreciate their being there. I always tip at the airport counters because those people are driving a long way and I really, really appreciate they are open at 6m for my early flights.

    I’ve been posting New Words on Fridays from a book I was reading, however, a friend thought they were a little depressing. They should be as they are obscure sorrows. I like them because they make me think.

    To counter-balance those, I’m adding in thoughts on advice, mostly from Kevin Kelley’s book. You can read all these posts under the advice tag.

  • Republish: The Changing Nature of Data

    Today I’m in Dallas, coaching 14 year olds in a volleyball tournament. This is our last travel trip with the team, and this is day 1. Hopefully we get a good draw and have some success.

    While I’m wearing earplugs in a large convention center with 1,000 screaming teenage girls, you get to re-read The Changing Nature of Data.