Voice of the DBA

Tag: life

  • Advice To Be a Better Person

    As a hobby, I coach volleyball for kids. Each year I meet new kids and parents and talk about my philosophy. Part of that is that I teach skills, athletics, how to compete, and more. However, I do emphasize as well that I’m trying to build better people, not just athletes. I want these kids to be better prepared for life, for job interviews, for future teachers and coaches, and for better relationships.

    While I’m not perfect, or maybe not even a great person, I do try to improve myself on a regular basis. Or at least learn to be a better person to others. This isn’t because of any ideal or goal, but because life is more fun when I have more skills. Whether that’s working with objects or interacting with people. The smoother things go, the more I enjoy the world.

    I ran across some advice from Kevin Kelly, who helped co-found Wired Magazine. He wrote down 68 pieces of advice for his children on his 68th birthday. A few of them are in this post, though he’s written a book with 450 pieces of advice. A few more items are in his post of 99 pieces, and 103 pieces.

    The advice is about career, life, and more. Some of the more interesting ones I saw are listed below, with my comments:

    • About 99% of the time, the right time is right now – I struggle with this, but as I think about it, it’s been often true
    • Don’t keep making the same mistakes; try to make new mistakes. – I certainly aim for this. I hate making the same mistakes
    • If you stop to listen to a musician or street performer for more than a minute, you owe them a dollar. – I love seeing street musicians and I carry dollars/euros/pounds and more I can give out.
    • If you have any doubt at all about being able to carry a load in one trip, do yourself a huge favor and make two trips. – I find doing this means I drop less things. Not doing this means I drop more.
    • Recipe for success: under-promise and over-deliver. – Often my mantra at work
    • It’s not an apology if it comes with an excuse. It is not a compliment if it comes with a request. – This is hard, but I’ve been working on this.
    • Learn how to learn from those you disagree with, or even offend you. See if you can find the truth in what they believe. – Important in today’s world
    • Being able to listen well is a superpower. While listening to someone you love keep asking them “Is there more?”, until there is no more. – I need to do this more

    I grabbed his book, and you can as well. However, I might also suggest you collect your own words of wisdom and advice that you can share with your own loved ones at some point.

    If you want to see Mr. Kelly speak his advice, watch this video.

    Steve Jones

    Listen to the podcast at Libsyn, Spotify, or iTunes.

  • Watashiato

    watashiato – n. curiosity about the impact you’ve had on the lives of the people you know, wondering which of your harmless actions or long-forgotten words might have altered the plot of their stories in ways you’ll never get to see.

    I found this word in the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, which is excerpted at this site. This book includes new words that describe emotions in great depth. One of the descriptions was the word above, watashiato. Of the few dozen I read, this was the one that stood out to me, and it’s something I’ve experienced. Maybe more than just being curious, though.

    As someone that does a lot of writing and speaking, I know that my words and actions have an impact on others. I’ve had many people write to me or tell me in person that I’ve affected them. Usually, this is very positive, and I’m grateful for the kind words. I am proud and happy for the positive impacts I’ve had in people’s lives.

    However, I know I must have had negative impacts. I’m sure I’ve written or said something incorrect that upset someone, or messed up their day at work, or perhaps caused an outage and they had to work late. I hope I haven’t gotten anyone terminated, or even chastised from management for something they learned at SQL Server Central, but I don’t know. I try not to dwell on this, but at times I think about whether or not I’ve changed someone’s life for the worse.

    I might have treated someone poorly. I know I did early in my 20s, as an arrogant young man, but I’m sure I’ve done things that meant nothing to me but affected others. Perhaps even deeply.

    My life has gone well, my career is a success, and I am grateful for that. I try to appreciate the small moments in life, and embrace dés vu (the awareness that this moment will become a memory). My wife had trumspringa and made it come true, leaving her corporate job to train horses. I’ve watched others do the same thing.

    These days my goal is to live my life in a way that makes the world better. I work, I need a paycheck, but I try not to be driven by that. I appreciate time with loved ones and experiences. I appreciate the conversations, the handshakes, and the hugs. I look to enjoy the laughter with others and the hard times, appreciating them as a part of life. I try to leave the world a little better than I found it, and hopefully, lessen the chances of future sorrowful watashiato.

    Steve Jones

    Listen to the podcast at Libsyn, Stitcher, Spotify, or iTunes.

  • A Second Job, a Trip, and a Change of Pace

    Some of you know that I work a second job as a volleyball coach for competitive clubs in the US. I started doing this as my youngest kid grew up, and I was looking for a hobby. I ended up coaching at the club where she competed and kept going when she left for university. Eight years later I still coach kids from Nov-May with my wife.

    This weekend I’m traveling with my team of 17-year-oldsto compete in Las Vegas on Fri-Sun. A couple days off from work, to do more work, but it’s fun. I love kids and working with them, seeing them grow and change, succeed and fail.

    I also like getting away from technology and watching the competitive nature of sports.

    I’ll be back late Sunday, with a morning flight Monday for work. Hopefully I won’t be too tired from the weekend.

  • Daily Coping 24 Mar 2023–The Final Tip

    Today’s coping tip is to discover the joy in the simple things in life.

    This is the last coping tip for now. It’s been 3 years, and I hope you’ve enjoyed them.

    I have really tried to enjoy simple, little things in my life and travels. A text from one of my kids. A short chat with an athlete I coach. A conversation at a SQL Saturday or other event. The chance to share a picture, or see one, of a friend.

    Simple, little things make life interesting and wonderful.

    When I finish a book I enjoy. A small success in a game. Learning a new song or lick on guitar, or even having a single song play well. A tasty meal. A laugh from my wife.

    Looking at the world and enjoying little things helps me cope with the hard things, or the upsetting things. Remembering little joys, or noticing them, can reset my attitude or dampen other negative emotions.

    Try appreciating and enjoying something small. I bet you feel happier in the rest of your life.

    I started to add a daily coping tip to the SQL Server Central newsletter and to the Community Circle, which is helping me deal with the issues in the world. I’m adding my responses for each day here. All my coping tips are under this tag.