Voice of the DBA

Tag: life

  • Some Relief But Still Some Concern

    Years ago Andy Warren and I were talking about the Database Weekly newsletter and what we wanted to include in each edition. We knew there wasn’t enough news on a weekly basis, so we decided that we’d add blogs from various individuals as well as press releases, patches, and other items related to databases and SQL Server. At some point, we realized we were getting older and one of the unfortunate things that happen is people pass away. We thought about including obituaries as well since we knew a lot of people and we wanted to remember them. We did and this evolved into sqlmemorial.org, which I maintain out of a repo online.

    I got a notice to renew the domain recently and I realized that I hadn’t updated this site in quite some time. That’s a relief and I was glad that I haven’t gotten any notes about anyone in the data community dying.

    At the same time, I worry that I’ve missed someone who participates in the #sqlfamily online, at events, or just has developed a brand and presence in our community. I see a lot of news, but I get busy like most of us and am not always in touch with all communities around the world. Since the decay of Twitter and the scattering of places where people congregate online, it seems there is less interaction and less of a place to see news posted and re-posted by others. I used to hear about a lot of people passing on from Twitter, but these days that doesn’t happen.

    Hopefully, because people aren’t leaving our community that often.

    I remember when Jim Gray was lost and my surprise at his death. I didn’t know him, but I had seen him speak. To me, Robert Davis, Euan Garden, and Brian Moran were shocking. Those were people I’d had many conversations with, shaken their hands and hugged them, and shared meals with them. Tom Roush probably touched me the most, though I knew him through his cancer treatment and I wasn’t shocked when he passed. I know quite a few of the people on the list at SQLMemorial, but not as well as knew those gentlemen.

    I’m at the age where I see more funerals than weddings. I’ve had friends pass, some far too young, and I try to remember that as I go through life, appreciating the good things I experience.

    If you know of someone who has passed, please send me a note, a link to an obituary, or write your own statement of their life and include it in an email. Fork the SQL Memorial repo and submit a pull request so we can remember their life.

    Steve Jones

    Listen to the podcast at Libsyn, Spotify, or iTunes.

  • Suppressing the FOMO

    I saw a post recently on Twitter/X/whatever we call it. It was for a DevOps in a Day from Redgate taking place in Jacksonville.

    2023-10-19 16_17_28-way0utwest ️ (He_Him_His) on X_ _@ReviewMyDB @redgate @GFritchey Enjoy. Sorry

    I’ve been a part of the tour this fall, and when we announced the Jacksonville date, Jeff reached out and asked if we could get together. I told him I wasn’t coming, and he asked why not. At the time I said I was busy and wanted the week off, which was true. I’m not sure Jeff felt that made sense, but Grant was going, so everything was fine.

    However

    When I saw the post, I felt like I should be there and I was missing out. I slightly regretted not going. After all, the week this event took place, I was at home, with no travel.

    That was my first M-F week at home since July 10-14. I was trying to protect it, and I think I did the right thing by not going and letting Grant handle things, but I still felt bad. I had some FOMO (Fear of missing out).

    FOMO

    I find FOMO drives a lot of people to do extra things. They do more work, they go places, they get caught up with friends/coworkers/family/etc. because they want to participate in something that’s fun or valuable or helpful to their career.

    I get it. I feel the same way, but I have learned often to step back from situations. This year, I knew the fall would be tough with travel, but I was also excited and looking forward to the tour. I wanted it to go well and for Redgate to do more in 2024.

    However.

    I don’t need to do it all. Grant can handle the day, and if not, Ryan can help. We’ve already talked about the need to plan further in advance and split the load. There is plenty of work.

    We’re Not Saving Babies

    My wife has used this phrase a lot. Most of us aren’t saving babies. If you are, then work hard, heck work 100 hours a week and then take time off, but save babies.

    Most of us do work that could wait until tomorrow. We can let someone else do some of the work. Even if someone does a better job, often there is so much work that they company will still need you to do something.

    Certainly Redgate will still use me at some events, and I’ll still travel.

    I just don’t need to do all the events.

    I keep telling myself that I’m certainly not saving babies, and there is plenty of other work. And, I’ve been to Jacksonville (and many other places) this year. I can skip a few trips.

    Side Note

    Even as I had FOMO, I had just sent an email to the US offices thanking them for an invitation to the Christmas parties, but declining to go since I didn’t want to get on another airplane this year. I still have two trips after this week, and I’m limiting my life to those.

  • Declining Work for Mental Health

    This year has been a busy one for me. I had 30 trips on airplanes away from home and around 100 nights not in my own bed. It’s been quite a year, and a little overloaded. There have been a few months were I traveled little, but more than a few where I was gone more than I was home. I spent 19 nights away from home in September.

    A few weeks back, I realized that I had another long trip coming up in October (9 days) and the PASS Data Community Summit in November. My body is a little worn out, but my mind is also distracted and struggling to focus. I recognized the beginnings of burnout when I realized that I was slightly dreading the Summit trip. While I want to see friends and catch up, I wasn’t looking for a long trip.

    On the spur of the moment, actually while sitting in an airport and waiting for a flight, I sent a note to the SQL Saturday Oregon organizers asking them to withdraw my speaking submission and not select me. I felt bad for doing so as I try not to create work for others or submit to events without the intention to go, but the extra 2 days in Seattle would make lift hard, and I thought this was the best choice for my mental health. I also chatted with my boss a bit about some work opportunities that were coming up and decided to decline a few other things, as well as skip conference submissions in Q1 2024.

    I’m not burned out, but I do recognize that I’m overloading my body a bit. Physically it’s a bit worn out and I can see that in my frequency and effort at the gym. Mentally I’m slightly dropping the ball on a few things, working slower than I often do because I find myself slightly distracted and looking for more breaks.

    One of the big learnings for me over the pandemic was that I need to ensure I take care of myself and treat myself as I’d treat someone else in similar circumstances. I’ve had coworkers and friends struggle at times in life, where I’ve made an effort to work more and help them work less. I need to remember that for myself and ensure I can lean on others where needed. Redgate is an amazing employer and everyone is willing to flex with each other to ensure work gets re-distributed or we move deadlines. My manager and I have discussed this, and we are monitoring my workload moving forward in our regular meetings.

    One of the best things I’ve learned over the years is to say no. I say no a lot to various queries on my time. Often when I feel I can’t deliver on time. This year I was looking forward to these opportunities, perhaps a bit too much, and ran myself down a bit with over-excitement. I recognized that and made an effort to take steps to help myself before I burned out or started missing commitments.

    The last month (and half of the next one) has been a bit rough, but I’ve mentally prepared myself for the work, and seeing relief coming in a couple of weeks is helpful. I’ve learned a bit more about myself this year, especially in relation to my slightly changing job and hopefully, I’ll do a better job managing myself next year (or my boss will).

    Learning to balance work and life is important. Remembering that life, family, friends, hobbies, faith, etc. are more valuable than work, and we need to ensure we don’t overwork ourselves makes us better employees and better people. Any of us can get overloaded in the short term, but don’t let that become an accepted part of your life. Your employer may push, but learn to push back and protect your physical and mental health.

    Steve Jones

    Listen to the podcast at Libsyn, Spotify, or iTunes.

  • An Important Break

    I left home last Tuesday for work, heading to New Jersey for work. Over the weekend, I took a side trip to see my daughter play volleyball at university, which is something I’ve tried to do every year she’s been gone. Normally I’d be heading home now.

    However, I’m on the road for a few more days. I’m taking advantage of being on the East Coast to head back to my hometown, Virginia Beach, to see my Mom. I guess I’m also with my brother. I flew to the DC area and we’re driving down early today.

    I’ve made a few plans to come out, but things keep going sideways, so I decided this was the best time to come and extended my trip. I’ve let other commitments get in the way for the last couple years, but I am glad that I’m making this trip now.

    Now, I need to be sure I work to get back every year.