Voice of the DBA

Tag: social

  • A New Form of Address: Mx

    When I was presenting at the dataMinds Connect conference, I called on someone in the audience. At the time, I called on someone raising their hand and said something like, “yes, miss.”.

    I got dinged in feedback for assuming someone is a he or she.

    At first I wasn’t sure how to take this, but like much of life, I decided to try and learn something. I set aside my feelings and started to look at how I’d address the individual in the future.

    I should have asked then, but I didn’t think about it. I keep my “he/him” pronouns on my bio slide, and I’m happy to refer to someone as he, she, or they, as they prefer. It’s a simple thing and I look for the forms of address in other people’s slides and signatures.

    However, I’ve grown up with sir, madam, miss, and other forms of addressing someone I don’t know well. I’ve always considered is polite to say sir or miss.

    That’s not good enough for the current world and I learned there is a title: Mx. According to a few sources, this is pronounced mooks, as rhyming with books.

    Something new for me to think about as I call on people. Certainly I should ask, though asking everyone seems like overkill. Certainly, however, if I’m not sure, I ought to ask.

  • Social: A Slight Improvement in My Life

    This isn’t a tech or SQL related post, so feel free to move on if you are looking for something like that.

    Some of you may know that I coach a competitive volleyball team. I’ve been doing this for the last few years, even since my daughter grew up and I didn’t have as much of a chance to see her play any longer. This has been a welcome respite from life, and usually I spend 10-15 hours a week, from November to May, coaching.

    With the pandemic last year, my season was cut short. We competed on Mar 8, and all activity stopped on Mar 11, halfway through our season. I was sad, and missed the kids. We did do some practicing and training in June to get them ready for the next year, but it wasn’t the same.

    We had no idea what to think about the 2021 season, but in August, Colorado cleared the clubs to start doing some practice. Since the high school season was postponed, we flipped out season somewhat and moved on to train and compete in October. With much of school virtual, and me not traveling, this was a nice break. Only about 7-8 hours a week instead of more, but we competed.

    November saw Colorado’s second wave and things shut down. We stopped everything for a few weeks, and then with state permission, were able to train 2-3 kids at a time. Not what I want, not what I signed up for, but still a bit of a release from life. There were a few small competitions in December, but I thought our season would get cancelled again.

    A few weeks ago we got permission to start practicing as a team. The idea was to restart the season on 7 Feb. The week before, we were told the state hadn’t approved anything, so we cancelled that date.

    Then on the 5th of Feb, we got a note that Colorado’s numbers had improved, and we were going to have a tournament on President’s Day weekend, 13-15 Feb. Still limited. Instead of in a large convention space, we would be spread out to small gyms, limited numbers of athletes inside, no parents. Still, something.

    We also got word that the season schedule was pushed back, but still proceeding. Working around the high school season, which will start in March, but life will get back to normal for 10 hours a week for me.

    I do worry about safety, and I think holding tech events doesn’t make sense, and it has a higher risk. My kids play in masks, there are limited numbers, and we avoid most contact with other athletes in a large, open space.

    So far, through fall competition, we haven’t seen safety issues or outbreaks. Fingers crossed that continues.

  • Social: Using Tech to Raise Money

    In 2020 for the first time, I donated to a few political campaigns. I’ve never done that before, though my wife has. I was inspired, and I was glad I helped out, and the candidates I supported went 1-1. That’s fine, as I believed in both of them.

    Last week I saw a tweet from Jeff Atwood, fellow UVA alum and founder of Stack Overflow. He was raising money for the Georgia Senate run-off in January.

    2020-11-30 15_28_03-Jeff Atwood on Twitter_ _It's Monday, so that means it's time to raise money for

    I’d seen a note from him the week before, but was busy and ignored it. This time, I decided to donate. I did so immediately, and got a text from my wife right away. She watches our money closely and asked if I’d actually donated to the GA campaigns. I had, and got a thumbs up back.

    I was stunned when I got a PM from him informing me that I’d won the iPad. I’ve almost never won anything, but I often don’t even bother to enter contests.

    Jeff has been running contests to help raise money for the Democratic candidates, and he’s giving away tech gifts to inspire people. This week the prize is a Macbook Air, with the M1 processor, courtesy of Brent Ozar.

    If you believe in Jon Ossoff, and want to prevent some gridlock in DC during the next few years consider donating. The chance to win a prize is icing on the cake, but the chance to affect change is more important. I’ve listened to the Democratic candidates, and I think they are good people, looking to improve their state and our country. Character is important, and I think both candidates have that character.

    My opinion, I also think that remarks from their opponents lack the character I prefer, putting their party above the well-being of the country and its citizens.

  • Social: Privilege

    I ran across the Privilege challenge on Facebook. A friend posted it, and I took a minute to watch it. I ended up with 4/10 fingers still up. Not bad for a minority.

    In case you think this is just some liberal thing, I actually found this reported on Fox News with a link to the video when I searched.

    I recognize in many cases I don’t put myself in positions that would get me into trouble. I’m cautious and conservative by nature, and I don’t go out late, don’t make disturbances or trouble, and am very careful when traveling. I think about where I go and when.

    Because I have to. Not because I want to, but because it potentially could get me into trouble.

    Not likely to, but could. I do actively have this in mind.

    I’ve slipped into the white American world for much of my life. My Mom is white, I’ve been economically successful, I tried to blend in, and I try to pass. As a result, I’ve been in conversations and situations where whites, law enforcement, those in power, etc. have denigrated or actively abused people of color or women.

    I worked in a bar where the police were often used to harass, prevent entry to, or expel blacks. Why? Prejudice. I’m somewhat embarrassed I didn’t stand up for others. It felt bad, but I was looking out for myself. Police were happy to comply and complain about and support, the desire to discriminate.

    I’ve been in discussions with management where they were against hiring minorities. Often when we get down to the last 2-3 candidates, I’ve heard discussions that we should pick the white man because he fits in better than the colored person or woman.

    I’m privileged in many ways. I’m a man, I’m financially successful, and I act and speak in a way that fits in with what’s expected in the US. Maybe one other thing that stands out to me is my name. No prejudice often when someone gets a note from me or sees my name in print.

    I’m also not so privileged in some ways. I am a person of color. I’ve been harassed by government officials. I’ve had people give me poor looks, step away, or refuse to touch me. I’ve had people drop change on a surface so as not to give it to me, when they didn’t do that to the person in front of me.

    There could be other explanations for these situations, but collectively, they always serve to remind me that I’m different from many others.