Tag: words

gnossienne– n. the awareness that someone you’ve known for years still has a private and mysterious inner life.

One of the things I’ve learned throughout my life is that we really don’t know what it’s like for others in their lives. What their relationships are like with family, what really matters to them, what really excites/scares/motivates/repels them. We might have an idea, but I always think of this:

“Well, we all have a face
That we hide away forever
And we take them out
And show ourselves
When everyone has gone” – The Stranger, Billy Joel

When I think of that song, I sometimes think of people I thought I knew, but realized that I didn’t. Social media distorts this more and more, as very few people are willing to share anything that isn’t positive or amazing. Even the challenges people disclose, are minimized or only partially explained.

This has been especially prevalent with friends and family who have gotten divorced. In some cases, I had no idea someone wasn’t happy in their personal life. In others, I knew there were issues, but had no idea how closely they were to separation.

Everyone has a face they don’t show to anyone, or at least, anyone but their partner.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

mauerbauertraurigkeit – n. inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends whose company you generally enjoy, like a poker player who keeps folding a promising hand in order to avoid the pain of losing, or temp down the urge to go all-in.

This one is close to home. It’s especially easy to push away people away early in a relationship when you don’t trust that things will continue to grow and improve. It’s quite easy to get nervous and suspect that the person will hurt you in the future.

I’ve done this in both dating relationships and friendships, when I felt that I was spending too much time, investing too much, and not seeing that reciprocated. Who knows where things might have gone if I’d have been more mature and communicated openly rather than worrying.

I’ve seen this in jobs as well. I’ve left a few jobs, mostly because I didn’t trust others in charge, and was worried they might let me go. I’ve seen good employees do this in the past, sometimes justified, sometimes prematurely.

In any case, mauerbauertraurigkeit is something that I think is prevalent when there is a lack of trust and transparency between people.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

attriage – n. the state of having lost all control over how you feel about someone – not even trying to quench the flames anymore, but lighting other fires around your head just hoping to contain the damage.

My first thought is that this is a crush-type of feeling, of young love and desire. However, I quickly think of my wife and while I am so in love with her, and there is still passion, I’ve definitely lost control of myself in other ways.

I can’t imagine living without her. I don’t handle it well when we argue. She means so much to me, that there is attriage and I flow with it. Enjoying the struggle and appreciating I have someone like her in my life.

Then I think about others.

My wife lost a student and friend this weekend to cancer. I’ve lost friends, and I keep following Hugo’s blog, worried that I’ll never get the chance to hug him and speak in person. I sent a birthday message to Steve Hughes, who is amazing and inspiring, and makes me sad.

I have attriage about those people, more from worry and loss and yet I have to continue to go on, understand this is part of life, and it sucks.

Having amazing things in your life means you also have really bad things in your life. You care, and you can’t help but see the differences. If you’re luck, you get into attriage and go with the pain and excitement.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

la guadière – n. a glint of goodness you notice in something that you wouldn’t expect, which is often only detectable by sloshing them back and forth in your mind until everything dark and gray and common falls away, leaving something shining at the bottom of the pan – a rare element hidden deep in the bedrock, that must’ve washed there by a storm somewhere upstream.

It is easy at first glance when something sad, distasteful, or otherwise negative occurs to get upset or see a problem. When you think about it, sometimes you feel like there is something good. That blessing-in-disguise that is revealed after your initial reaction fades and you have a moment to consider the situation.

I have often felt that I react to something and think about the negative. That seems like a very human reaction. For example, a customer doesn’t want to spend time changing a process, even though it’s broken. I only think about the negative.

However, if you pause a moment and twist the situation from your view to someone else’s, then la guadiere comes out. A broken process, but a known one, isn’t the worst thing in the short term. It allows other work to get done, people are familiar, and it can be lower stress, even if it requires more effort.

The same thing if you have an issue. A flat tire, broken internet, a broken horse feeder. There’s some la guadiere in there. A flat might let me know my tires need replacing and they’re dangerous, or maybe I haven’t cleaned up around the garage properly. Internet teaches me to prepare more in advance (or take a break). Broken horse feeders let me catch up on some maintenance and maybe improve something before it gets much worse.

Find the good in life, even when it’s bad.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows