Tag: coping

I started to add a daily coping tip to the SQLServerCentral newsletter and to the Community Circle, which is helping me deal with the issues in the world. I’m adding my responses for each day here. All my coping tips are under this tag. 

Today’s tip is to be kind to yourself when something goes wrong.

I have been learning to be a lot better about forgiving myself during the pandemic. I realized during the last year that many things get out of my control, and I have to adjust my life, and accept that.

I still strive to move forward, to get stronger, smarter, more compassionate, etc. But I also have more acceptance when things don’t go well.

In the past year, I’ve had many plans fall apart. Some because of external changes, some because of me. As I get older, there are days that I’m a bit worn out, and I’ve tried to be kind to myself because I had to change plans. I’ve thrown out my back, and learned to not be mad at myself. I’ve accepted days when I’m sick or tired and can’t get something done.

Maybe the best example for me is that there are days my body is sore, or lacking energy. Some of these days I’ve schedule a yoga class (we’re still reserving space at my gym). I know I can’t always get through the class without a break, and I am kind to myself, not beating myself up when I’ve given a good effort, but just don’t have the energy.

It’s not an easy thing to do, but I’ve learned how to work hard, push myself, but accept when something has gone wrong, even if it’s only in my mind.

I started to add a daily coping tip to the SQLServerCentral newsletter and to the Community Circle, which is helping me deal with the issues in the world. I’m adding my responses for each day here. All my coping tips are under this tag. 

Today’s tip is to remember we all struggle at times as humans.

Empathy is a feeling that I suspect many people would like to have. Or maybe not. I know some people seem to have little and not want to give any to anyone outside their family. Or maybe even their family.

To me, I think it’s important to look at the world from other points of view, and consider how others feel. During this last year, a lot of my pandemic talks with people are remembering to counsel them to remember their view isn’t mine. Nor is it many others.

Today, what’s on my mind is Simon Biles. She withdrew from Olympic competition recently. This was a hot topic in the volleyball group I am a part of with other coaches. I was amazed by the very polar opposite reactions from people. Some empathized and applauded her for talking about mental health and the impact it has. Others castigated her severely for not competing no matter what.

Both are valid views, though I think one ignores empathy. It ignores that we are human and we can struggle. I don’t know what the best choice was, but I respect someone else’s ability to make that choice.

I had a kid quit during a match. The moment become too big for her and walked off the court, leaving the game, abandoning her teammates. At that moment, my first thought was concern for her. Actually, first thought was who goes in and how we manage the game, but as soon as I had a sub, I was concerned.

We coaches talked with her after, and know that difficult times in life are hard. They are difficult. There are reasons to stop, and in our mind, this wasn’t one. She wasn’t in physical harm, and she could have played a different role, or let us change her responsibilities ,but walking away wasn’t a good response. Ultimately, she had to apologize to everyone for what happened. We forgave her, moved on, and competed the next time.

In another situation, maybe walking off makes the most sense. There’s a balance between commitment and self-preservation, and I don’t think this case was the latter.

However, the point today in coping is to remember everyone else is coping. They are coping in different ways, and with a different world. They live a different life. I want to help, support, counsel, and even push them. They have responsibilities, and are accountable, but they are also human.

I have empathy for them, and try hard to understand the world from their view.

I started to add a daily coping tip to the SQLServerCentral newsletter and to the Community Circle, which is helping me deal with the issues in the world. I’m adding my responses for each day here. All my coping tips are under this tag. 

Today’s tip is to reach out to a family member, friend, or colleague.

I did this recently for a trip. I actually took a business trip, the first one since 2019. Before I did so, I sent a few notes out to friends I know in the company, but I also reached out to a friend who lives in the LA area. I wanted to check on him, as it’s been months. I also was hoping he might be free for dinner.

He was, we got together, and it was wonderful.

I started to add a daily coping tip to the SQLServerCentral newsletter and to the Community Circle, which is helping me deal with the issues in the world. I’m adding my responses for each day here. All my coping tips are under this tag. 

Today’s tip is to be a realistic optimist. Think about what could go right.

I’m usually positive in life, but often I anticipate or think about potential problems and issues first. I think that was part of what helped me think critically about building or managing software, as I looked for problem spots early.

However, as I get older, I know that often there aren’t likely to be big problems. There could be smaller ones, and we do need to try and mitigate those, but really, I ought to appreciate and think of the good things first.

My daughter is driving herself back to college with a friend. It’s a long trip, 1775 miles, and she’s never done anything like that herself. As I’ve told a few friends, they all seem to worry first, or ask me about concerns.

While I did think about ensuring she had a car that would make it, mostly I thought this was a great opportunity for her. A chance to experience the world with a friend, enjoy a long trip, manage her gas/food/restroom breaks along the way, and embrace a new challenge in life.

I loved long trips when I was younger, and I still enjoy driving to cities. I think this will be a great event for her, the first time she’s taken a long road trip by herself.