Tag: coping

I started to add a daily coping tip to the SQLServerCentral newsletter and to the Community Circle, which is helping me deal with the issues in the world. I’m adding my responses for each day here. All my coping tips are under this tag. 

Today’s tip is to listen deeply to someone and really hear what they are saying.

I find many people like to talk and really just give me a chance to speak in between the things they want to say. I also find that lots of people that appear to be listening are in their own happy place.

I also find I’m not always much different. Sometimes I find myself already starting to respond in my head to what someone has said, and I’m not listening.

However, as I get older, I am trying to do better. I recently had the chance to go out to dinner with some friends, and I made it a point to really listen to them, and hear what they were telling me about their life and kids. Rather than thinking what I might say, I focused on them. I am really making an effort to focus, and if I think of something to say, I try to ignore it and put it out of my mind.

That means I sometimes end up pausing slightly before I say anything, but I think that’s good.

I’m also doing this with my wife. Put down my phone, turn away from the computer, focus on her when she takes a moment to talk to me.

I started to add a daily coping tip to the SQLServerCentral newsletter and to the Community Circle, which is helping me deal with the issues in the world. I’m adding my responses for each day here. All my coping tips are under this tag. 

Today’s tip is to stay fully present while drinking your cup of coffee or tea.

I usually make coffee in the morning and go to work. Often I’m in a meeting or doing some work while I’m sipping. I might catch up on some recorded video stuff from work, but usually I’m distracted from my coffee. If it’s a slow start to the day, I might read a bit.

When I saw this tip, I decided to have a cup and do nothing. I poured one, walked to the window, and looked out at the world. I tried to observe, be present, and think about what I see, and not work or any other issue.

A minor form of meditation, but a nice one.

I started to add a daily coping tip to the SQLServerCentral newsletter and to the Community Circle, which is helping me deal with the issues in the world. I’m adding my responses for each day here. All my coping tips are under this tag. 

Today’s tip is to get outside and notice how the weather feels on your face.

While I live on a ranch, there are days that I don’t really go outside. I might work most of the day and then get in the car to go to the gym, but I sometimes forget to step outside.

However, this is Colorado, and we are blessed with amazing weather the vast majority of the time. We have over 300 sunny days a year, and that’s a big part of why I moved here.

Last weekend we had a big snowstorm. While it wasn’t what many could call the best weather, it was nice to go outside, even in some wind, and feel the weather. A cold winter day, snow falling, not miserable, but a refreshing day.

I could feel flakes drop on my cheeks, the wind chilling me where skin wasn’t covered up, but warm inside a coat, ski pants, hat, and gloves. My lungs opened up, I breathed hard while walking around and feeding some hay.

A good day to be alive.

I started to add a daily coping tip to the SQLServerCentral newsletter and to the Community Circle, which is helping me deal with the issues in the world. I’m adding my responses for each day here. All my coping tips are under this tag. 

Today’s tip is to take a full breath in and out before you reply to others.

I used to respond quickly, sometimes even talking over others. I don’t know that I did this more with women than men, but I’ve tried to be more aware of this. Everyone deserves respect, but more importantly, I ought to be sure I listen more to others and hear what they are saying.

Recently I got a few messages across Slack while on holiday. I didn’t really check them until I returned, and even then, I interpreted them one way. I got a meeting request later that implied I had committed to something in Slack, which I didn’t think was correct.

It would have been easy to start complaining and get upset. Or just decline the meeting and refuse to do something. Instead, I took a deep breath, let go of annoyances, and responded in a positive manner. The other person wasn’t trying to be difficult, and as part of being more reasonable and understanding, I tried to remember that.