Voice of the DBA

Tag: Humor

  • Dress Like Steve

    I hate wearing suits and ties. One of my early jobs in technology required them, and my least favorite part of that job was the dress code. Almost as bad was a company that required a uniform: same pants and shirt every day. I didn’t mind a few jobs that required khaki pants and a collared shirt since I could have a little variety, but my ideal job, which I have now, lets me wear what I want. T-shirts, shorts, sandals, jeans, and more are acceptable in my office.

    These days when I put on a collared shirt, it’s usually one with with design of some sort on it. I have a nice collection of colorful shirts, and I often wear them to events. Can you find me in the picture below?

    SQL in the City Staff
    One of these things doesn’t look like the other…

    As we were planning the US tour of SQL in the City and talking about things we might giveaway, someone suggested adding a few shirts to the list of books, pens, balls, etc. I thought that if I were to give away some cool SQLServerCentral shirts to attendees, I ought to make sure that I was modeling one of the prizes all day. My boss agreed, and I got permission to go shopping.

    At each of the US SQL in the City tour stops, I’ll be wearing a new Hawaiian shirt. At the end of the day at each event, I’ll also be giving away 3 of the same shirt to three lucky attendees. You can’t win one if you don’t come, so if you are in any of the cities we are visiting, be sure to register and come get a free day of presentations from Grant, me, and a number of other speakers. I’ve got a series of blog posts on the events, and if you want to run with me in the mornings before an event, drop me a note on Twitter.

    Steve Jones

    The Voice of the DBA Podcasts

    We publish three versions of the podcast each day for you to enjoy.

  • Labor Day Bloopers

    The raw footage of all the mistakes I’ve made since the Fourth of July.

    Part 1

    Part 2

  • T-SQL Tuesday #34 – Help! I Need Somebody

    tsqltuesday

    I couldn’t resist, so here goes….

    Help, I need some data,
    Help, not just any data,
    Help, I was told you need a report, help.
    When I was younger, so much smarter than today,
    I never needed any query help in any way.
    But now these reports are long, I’m not working late nights,
    Now I find I’ve got to ask for help on window functions.
    Help me if you can, I need a rank 
    And I do appreciate the over clause.
    Help me, get my report back to the client,
    Won’t you please, please help me.
    And now T-SQL has changed in oh so many ways,
    the over clause just seems to vanish in the haze.
    But every now and then I feel I know row_number,
    I know I need a lag or lead just not sure which to use.
    Help me if you can, I’m feeling slow
    And I do appreciate returning more rows.
    Help me, get my query back to the client,
    Won’t you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.

    The Rules

    T-SQL Tuesday is a monthly blog party hosted by a different blogger every month. This month is hosted by Rob Volk with the theme of “Help, I Need Somebody”.

    If you’re like to participate, just write a post, publish it on the appropriate day and link to the host’s post. If you want to host, contact the founder, Adam Machanic (b|t).

  • Forty Five Minutes

    Excellent: Dilbert on data analysts

    The best part is the last quote: I like how you punctuate your ignorance with certainty.