Tag: words

emodox – someone whose mood is perpetually out of sync with everyone else around them, prone to feelings of naptime panic, heart-to-heart snark, or dance club pensiveness.

I had to look up pensiveness as I wasn’t completely sure what this means. It is deep serious thoughtfulness, which is something I certainly engage in at times.

In general, I am often in touch with what’s happening around me and I can be in sync with the moods and situation. I tend to be empathetic, and deep feelings from others cause me to react. Certainly I misread things, but I’m not out of sync.

Usually.

There are times when I experience this, and I’m very, very uncomfortable. With family, or with my wife, I can let them know. If I’m in other situations, I might just walk away and leave, or linger outside of whatever is going on around me. I can be snarky and snappy, which isn’t a great reaction, which is why I have learned to try and extract myself from situations when I feel this.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

vaucasy – n. the feat that you’re little more than a product of your circumstances, that for all the thought you put into shaping your believes and behaviors and relationships, you’re essentially a dog being trained by whatever stimuli you happen to encounter, reflexively drawn to whoever gives you reliable hits of pleasure, skeptical of ideas that make you feel powerless.

I think a lot about how my life has gone, and how I react to things. My thoughts, my behaviors, and how my past shapes me. I do try to learn more, and I think I do a good job.

I’m also proud of watching my kids grow and change as adults. When I look at them, I think they have a really interesting mix of things they inherited from my wife or I, and also from their experiences. They are all very different, but similar.

Vaucasy is certainly something that I think affects all of us. There is a very human need to react to simuli, looking for pleasure. I also think we can change that and put our thoughts into shaping behaviors and thoughts, but it takes effort.

It’s worth it.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

heartspur – n.  an unexpected surge of emotion in response to a seemingly innocuous trigger – the distinctive squeal of a rusty fence, a key change in an old pop song, the hint of a certain perfume – which feels all the more intense because you can’t quite pin it down

I certainly feel heartspur at times. I can be emotional, and I find that there are lots of things that trigger memories. Often I know why or when the memory occurred, but not always. Especially as I get older.

Recently I heard Waterfalls on a playlist. I remember listening to this with my wife in the car, and it’s a great song. But I know that I heard this before I met her, and evoked a strong emotion of sadness. I can’t quite remember why, and still don’t.

If only I’d had a smartphone in 1994 and had taken a lot of pictures. Maybe I’d know why this one trigger something.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

zielschmerz – n.  the dread of pursuing a lifelong dream, which requires you to put your true abilities out there to be tested on the open savannah, no longer protected inside the terrerium of hopes and delusions that you started up in kindergarten and kept selaed as long as you could.

I don’t know I have any lifelong dreams, much less zielschmerz. I used to want to play professional sports, but that lifelong dream died a long time ago when I realized pursuing it wasn’t realistic.

I have enjoyed life and worked to grow my career, skills, and enjoyment in different ways. However, I am more a take things are they come and constantly re-evaluate what I want and need more than having a dream.

However, you can pursue a lifelong dream, which might not include being tested on the savannahs, but it might be tested in the real world. My wife changed careers to work with horses, taking a leap that she could actually earn enough to have that be a viable career. It’s been nearly 12 years now and she’s made it a success, though I know she had a lot of trepidation and anxiety in making the leap and growing her business.

Hopefully there is no more zielschmerz these days for her.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows