Tag: words

whipgraft delusion – n. the phenomenon in which you catch your reflection in the mirror and get the sense that you’re peering into the eyes of a strange, as if you’re looking at a police sketch of your own face aged forward twenty years, which would imply the real you is out there somewhere, wandering the streets of your old neighborhood, still at large.

Twenty years? More like thirty.

I thought about this as I don’t really look at myself in the mirror often.I certainly see myself, putting in contacts, brushing teeth, shaving, but I don’t often look closely.

However, once in awhile I’ll look at myself and while I don’t always mentally feel or act my age, I don’t feel this old. However, if I look closely, I realize I look old. As old as my knees and back feel some days. Definitely some whipgraft delusion.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

nementia – n. the post-distraction effort to recall the reason you’re feeling particularly anxious or angry or excited, trying to retrace your sequence of thoughts like a kid gathering the string of a downed kite.

I’m pretty level headed, but sometimes I over-react to something and may get angry, upset, etc. Sometimes I have to go through the process, but often my wife might interrupt the thoughts, asking me to go through some nementia and figure out why I reacted this way.

Like the rest of us, I’m human, I do silly things, and I sometimes can’t figure out why I reacted that way.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

giltwrights  – n. the imaginary committee of elders that keeps a running log of your mistakes, steadily building their case that you’re secretly a fraud, a coward, a doofus, and a douche – who would’ve revoked your good fortune years ago had they not been hampered by their own bitter squabblings over proper grammar and spelling.

I have anxiety at times about the mistakes I make. I tend not to dwell for too long, but I do sometimes find myself wondering if there are others who’d find me lacking, fire me, stop being a friend, etc. if they knew how many times I’ve made mistakes.

Across my career, and across decades, I’ve learned to admit mistakes often and expect them. I’ve learned that I am frail and faulty, and I have to accept that. I also need to try to not make easily-preventable mistakes, or big ones, but accept that those might happen.

I don’t think I’m often concerned about the guiltwrights at my age, but I did feel they were watching me often in my teens and 20s.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

nighthawk – n. a recurring thought that only seems to strike you late at night – an overdue task, a nagging guilt, a looming future – which you sometimes manage to forget for weeks, only to feel it land on your shoulder once again, quietly building a nest.

I am typically not a night person. I tend to fall asleep early (avoiding late night movies or events) and I can often sleep through the night. I tend to awaken a bit more as I age, but in general I’m not plagued by any sort of insomnia and am not awake at night.

Not often.

However, I often to have various commitments coming, lots of travel, and a chaotic life. Often I find myself reviewing a mental to-do list, worrying that I’ve forgotten something or I didn’t complete a task. I do have a physical list, but often there are so many repeating items that I don’t always write them down.

This usually comes before I speak at some event, and I find myself waking and worrying at night that I didn’t get something done before my presentation the next day.

Interestingly, I almost never think about forgetting to schedule a newsletter. I do that sometimes, but rarely.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows