Tag: words

ecstatic shock – n. a surge of energy upon catching a glimpse from someone you like, which scrambles your ungrounded circuits and tempts you to chase after that feeling with a kite and a key.

What a great image. You see someone and there’s a physical reaction.

I still feel that way about my wife. I am lucky that we’ve had a great marriage and I enjoy her company. I want to spend time with her and still have that excitement I had when we started dating.

I hope many of you feel this on a regular basis.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

anderance – n. the awareness that your partner perceives the relationship from a totally different angle than you – spending years looking at a different face across the table, listening for cues in a different voice = an odd reminder that no matter how much you have in common, you’re still in love with different people.

I often think of anderance since I spend a lot of time with my wife, in daily life, traveling, communicating with phones. I sometimes wonder why she sees things in my differently than I do. Maybe she sees more or less, maybe she has a different view of me than I do.

I realize that who I think I am, and who she thinks I am are a bit different. Not a lot, but a bit.

Probably the same for her.

It’s been 30 years, and it’s still amazing. And I still learn things about her, about me, and about us.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

rivener – n. a chilling hint of distance that creeps slowly into a relationship – beginning to notice them laugh a little less, look away a little more, explain away their mood like it’s no longer your business – as if you’re watching them fall out of love right in front of you, gradually and painfully, like a hole in the radiator that leaves your house a little colder with every passing day, whose only clue is a slow, unnerving drip-drip-drip.

This chapter of the book seems to be a bunch of feelings that people have earlier in relationships, or maybe during bad relationships.

I’m sure I’ve felt rivener in the past, from former girlfriends, but I’m blessed that this isn’t the case now. My wife loves me and I feel the same way. There’s no rivener on the ranch between us.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

lackout – n. the sudden awareness that you’re finally over someone, noticing that the same voice that once triggered a cocktail of emotions now evokes nothing at all – as if your brain had returned the last box of their things and your heart had quietly changed its locks.

I think I’ve learned to have more lackout as I get older. Perhaps things impact me less or I judge less importance, but I find myself letting go of hard/sad/angry/disappointed/jealous/etc. negative feelings towards people much quicker, with lackout occurring sooner after an event.

Certainly this can happen with romantic relationships, though I think a lot of us never get over things and prefer not to see exes.

However, I’ve had that happen at work, where I am upset with someone, and I don’t want to hear their voice, or correspond in email, or even shake their hand. No hugs for sure.

The thing I’ve learned to do is let things go. Maybe one of the things I let go, which was public, was not being allowed on the ballet for the PASS Board of Directors. I was very upset with the committee, who I think let personal feelings get in the way of making a decision. I was quite angry with that group of people for a long time.

A few years.

However, I’ve seen a few since then and been not only civil, I find myself with lackout, having let that anger go.

Life is better without anger or grudges.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows