Tag: words

skidding – v. intr. the practice of making offhand comments that sound sarcastic but are actually sincere and deeply felt.

I used to make lots of sarcastic comments. Some got laughs, some were appropriate, but most were a bad look for me and didn’t help any situation. Unless they were intentionally funny, and even then, I’m only lightly funny.

I’ve tried to avoid skidding with anyone these days, though I know I still do that. Rather than being sarcastic, I try to actually be sincere and heart-felt. I think it’s a better way to live life.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

bye-over – n.  the sheepish casual vibe between two people who’ve shred an emotional farewell but then unexpectedly have a little extra time together, wordlessly agreeing to pretend that they’ve already moved on.

I used to feel a bye-over was very awkward. I’d said goodbye, they had, and we’re delayed. I think the advent of Uber and similar services, where we wait more often on trips, has made it easier to say goodbye and then walk away a few steps to wait.

However, I would also say I’ve just learned to keep chatting with someone if there’s some delay, or even just come back and chat with others.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

feresy – n.  the fear that your partner is changing in ways you don’t understand, even though they might be changes for the better, because it forces you to wonder whether your relationship needs a few careful nudges to fall back into balance, or perhaps is still as stable as ever, but involves a person who no longer exists.

I used to experience feresy, worried that my wife, or even I, were changing in ways that might make us move further apart. Over time, I’ve learned that we both will change, and we have to accept the other will grow and change. They aren’t the same person we married, nor are they someone we can force to change in the way we want.

However, if there is a balance adjustment needed, we both know we need to communicate to ensure that we maintain a strong partnership. 

I don’t fear my wife not being the person she was because that person no longer exists.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

hickering – n.  the habit of falling hard for whatever pretty new acquaintance happens to come along, spending hours wallowing in the handful of details you can gather about them, connecting the dots into elaborate constellations, even imaging an entire future together – images that have no particular purpose, except that they’re kind fun to think about.

This sounds like a teenage love story habit, which I see from kids I coach, or from my kids in the past.

I’m not often enamored with new friends, and can be a bit wary or distant. I certainly get that from my parents, who were a little hesitant to add new friends. I do make new friends, and I find people very interesting in new ways, but I rarely feel hickering where I try to learn more about them.

I tend to flow in life and enjoy the interactions without looking to make them more or less important than there are in the moment.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows