Tag: coping

I’ve started to add a daily coping tip to the SQLServerCentral newsletter and to the Community Circle, which is helping me deal with the issues in the world. I’m adding my responses for each day here.

Today’s tip is to think about how your actions make a difference for others.

We are all in this together. We may not agree, and we certainly may react and go about our days differently, but this pandemic has affected everyone and we are all living in a world that I wouldn’t have imagined on Jan 1.

I certainly could think about what I do that helps people. Part of this tip series and the Community Circle is that we are trying to help people.

However, I want to take something from Grant’s blog (Be Kind). I’ve written a few times about the topic, but we are all experiencing things differently. We have different circumstances, different ways our day has gone, different moods and emotions, different challenges. Or the same things at different times.

I’ve started to think more about my actions and how they might negatively impact others. I try to be more empathetic, understanding, and react less. As I write this, it’s just days after the death of George Floyd, a few more days since Ahmaud Arbery. I see lots of reactions from many people, and I find myself upset, saddened, angry, and more. I could be in that situation, and I’ve been careful and lucky not to be in those situations.

However, I also know my actions might not make anything better, certainly not for most people I might engage with. I don’t need to add more discord to this situation, and I certainly could make things worse for others.

I don’t mean to focus on these situations, but on the main interactions I have with people at work, in this limited society, even with family. My roller coaster of emotions and coping can affect others, and I try to remember that. I try to temper myself and aim to be pleasant, respectful, and understanding.

More and more, I just try to follow Wheaton’s Law. It’s not that hard most of the time, and when it is, it’s worth making the effort.

I’ve started to add a daily coping tip to the SQLServerCentral newsletter and to the Community Circle, which is helping me deal with the issues in the world. I’m adding my responses for each day here.

Tell someone about an event in your life that was really meaningful.

I’ve been lucky enough to have a very rich and exciting life. Certainly less eventful than others, but also more full than some. I don’t know I’ve had any amazing experiences, but I have had moments that have touched me and stick with me.

I was always a fairly shy kid. I didn’t do much in groups, hated speaking in front of my class for any presentation, and often interacted with only a couple friends at a time. Quite a change from today when I look back at things.

During high school, I enjoyed music, saw many concerts, and learned to play guitar. Eventually I formed a band with a few friends. Somehow, and I’m not sure how, near the end of my senior year, our band was given the chance to play a couple songs for the school, in the gym. I’d played in front of crowds, always nervous, but since I knew few people, this wasn’t too bad. It was also a few dozen people. I was much more anxious about playing in front of my classmates, over 800 of them.

I did it, and things went well, though this was a punk/alternative style band and I think a few of my teachers were shocked.

I survived, and didn’t have to deal with too many comments as this was just a few days before school ended. However, it was an event that stuck with me, helping me to learn that being in front of people wasn’t the worst thing in the world. This was really the first big event for me, even though I didn’t have to speak.

From here, I went on to be better speaking in front of classes in college, bartending and talking with strangers, and eventually to where I am today, giving presentations in front of small and large crowds on a regular basis.

I’ve started to add a daily coping tip to the SQLServerCentral newsletter and to the Community Circle, which is helping me deal with the issues in the world. I’m adding my responses for each day here.

Today’s tip is today link your decisions and choices to your purpose in life.

What’s my purpose in life. I think it’s to be a great partner, help others where I can, and improve my skills in (and outside) of my career for myself. Maybe a bit selfish, but those are what I think.

For the most part, these things drive my life. I work to have a strong marriage, and often give as much as I can for my wife. One of the reason’s I’ve continued to work with SQLServerCentral and Redgate is that this supports my wife in her self employment. Rather than try to be more like a Brent Ozar, whose had amazing success in his career field, I’d rather do the things that provide stability.

I do enjoy those things, so it’s not a great sacrifice.

My mission at SQLServerCentral has always been to help others be better at their jobs. I think about that often as I work through the management of the site. It’s a guiding principle for me, and I think my decisions about the site are with this in mind. I may not always do the best job I can, and I do sometimes beat myself up about that, but I am to help others.

That’s also a part of why I coach. It’s a way to give back and help others grow up. I may do more volunteering, especially if my schedule continues to be strictly at home, since I do believe in giving back to the world.

Lastly, I continue to work on improving myself. I exercise and try to take care of my body. I practice guitar. I try different things in the kitchen. I work on different projects around the house, and I’m trying to do a bit more woodworking. None of these things pay a bill or do more than satisfy my soul, but that’s a part of my purpose.

I’ve started to add a daily coping tip to the SQLServerCentral newsletter and to the Community Circle, which is helping me deal with the issues in the world. I’m adding my responses for each day here.

Today’s tip is to recall three things you’ve done that you are really proud of.

The Snowboarding Investment

I started snowboarding before I had kids. I got pretty good, and I’ve enjoyed going fast, avoiding breaks, and making the most of the time I have on the slopes. As my kids grew up, we started all of them on skis, and in ski school. Expensive, but it allowed them to learn from someone that wasn’t a parent and it allowed my and my wife to continue to enjoy ourselves. As they learned, we enjoyed them learning to keep up with us.

For my younger two, they wanted to start snowboarding relatively quickly after learning to keep up with us adults on skis. Rather than do more ski school, I took the time to work each each of them. My son was older, 11 or 12, when he wanted to switch, but taking days to teach him meant I was really on the beginner slopes with him, not having a fun day.

It took the 4-5 days at the end of one season and 2-3 at the beginning of the next to get him to the point where we could progress to a continuous run down Keystone or Copper mountain.

My daughter started younger, which was harder. She was barely on skis when she say her brother snowboarding and wanted to try.

This was many more days, often family days where I would spend half the day walking alongside her, or holding her balanced and helping her learn how to move down the slopes.

I had to put aside fun times to invest in them. It’s paid dividends over the years, and I’ve had great times with them on the slopes. I’m really proud of spending the time to teach them and then watching them grow and learn to love sliding down the mountain.

Ranch Improvements

We moved to a horse ranch about 15 years ago, and my wife started full time teaching about 10 years ago. As she’s tried to experiment with her skills as a horse whisperer, she’s asked me to help build things to help her better care for horses.

She gave me the challenge of building slow feeders years ago, and I spent some trying different designs and building her feeders that work well for her purposes. Here is one of the early designs. Hint, plywood doesn’t work well over time.

 

Some have now been in service over a decade, and I’ve built quite a few more. We have 13 in use and 2 spares now. Recently, she also got the idea that she wanted a horse back scratcher, so I figured out how to do this.

SQLServerCentral

It wasn’t my idea. Credit goes to Brian Knight for the idea and helping bring the founders together. Over the years, a lot of the site has grown and evolved because of me. I was the founder that was able to work for the company full time, I started the editorials, and I’ve been the face of the site for many years.

I remember crossing 1 million posts, 1 million subscribers, publishing books and a magazine, hosting parties at the PASS Summit, and getting the chance to meet many of you in person over the years have been highlights.

Hearing many of you tell me that the site has helped you in your career, has solved a problem, or inspired you in some way are immensely gratifying to me. I can’t tell you how much I’ve appreciated the kind words and comments from many people over the years.

I’m grateful to Redgate for allowing me to continue to steward the site as the Editor in Chief, and this has been one of the things I’m most proud of in my career.