Voice of the DBA

Tag: Humor

  • The Code Coverage Report

    I had someone that told me recently that they needed to find a way to get code coverage in T-SQL. Not for them, not to improve quality, but because their manager wanted a report.

    OK, here it is.

    First, build a nice SSRS report that displays your company logo, a header, the current date, and a pie chart. Yes, I know pie charts are bad, but they’re good for managers that want something like code coverage.

    Now, for the data source of the report, here’s your query:

    SELECT 90 + ((RAND() * 8)-2)

    Now, you won’t always get over 90%, which is what some people want, but you’ll get over 90 eventually.

  • Quitting VIM

    I saw this post from Joel Spolsky lately, noting that Stack Overflow has been helping 1 million developers exit VIM. It’s a funny post, but one that has some truth in it. I’ve gotten into VIM, almost always from git, but sometimes in Linux, and I often Google the exit.

    Fortunately I’ve learned a few things and  usually remember :wq.

    Other do too, since I actually didn’t need to Google that during a presentation where I committed without the –m, and got into VIM. I actually remembered :wq, posted just “:wq” on Twitter, and a few people laughed, since it’s maybe the one VIM command quite a few people need to remember.

    Hopefully just typing this post will tatoo that sequence into my head so I never end up reading the command list on Stack Overflow again.

    If you want to learn more about VIM, here’s a cheat sheet.

  • The History of the World, I Guess

    The lighter side. From my kids, and since there’s some science and it reminded me of the Big Bang Theory.

    Have fun.

  • Tell Me a Joke

    It’s April 3rd today, and I’m a little sad. We missed April 1 here at SQLServerCentral. The date was on a Saturday, and we don’t send a newsletter on that day, so there wasn’t any opporunity for a prank. Running one today just doesn’t seem right, so we’re foregoing our fun in 2017.

    Over the years, we’ve had some good ones. My favorite was SQL Server on Linux, one of the most popular articles for years, unitl it finally came true. There was my decoding of the DTUs and MySQL supporting T-SQL from last year. Where was also the time we took over PASS. In previous years, I’ve shown you how to throttle a query in mid-execution and  how to get your Service Broken messages in order, and let you enter C# into stored procedures. Do you remember the Easter Egg in SSMS?

    We’ve learned about SQL Server having an open source alternative and the way an index really works. That last one made me proud since I suckered in a few SQL Server experts.

    It’s not just me, Gail Shaw, Paul Randal, Grant Fritchey, and more have participated in April Fools, with some funny ideas, just real enough to be true. I’m always looking for more people to come up with creative April 1 prank, so if you have a good idea, think 2018…

    With Apr 1 being on a holiday, and since I was by myself in the UK (I did run a 5K and work on presentations over the weekend), I thought I’d ask if you had any good links or jokes that appeared on your screen. Anything sucker you in? Anything disappoint you because you wished it were real? Let me know today.

    Steve Jones