attriage – n. the state of having lost all control over how you feel about someone – not even trying to quench the flames anymore, but lighting other fires around your head just hoping to contain the damage.

My first thought is that this is a crush-type of feeling, of young love and desire. However, I quickly think of my wife and while I am so in love with her, and there is still passion, I’ve definitely lost control of myself in other ways.

I can’t imagine living without her. I don’t handle it well when we argue. She means so much to me, that there is attriage and I flow with it. Enjoying the struggle and appreciating I have someone like her in my life.

Then I think about others.

My wife lost a student and friend this weekend to cancer. I’ve lost friends, and I keep following Hugo’s blog, worried that I’ll never get the chance to hug him and speak in person. I sent a birthday message to Steve Hughes, who is amazing and inspiring, and makes me sad.

I have attriage about those people, more from worry and loss and yet I have to continue to go on, understand this is part of life, and it sucks.

Having amazing things in your life means you also have really bad things in your life. You care, and you can’t help but see the differences. If you’re luck, you get into attriage and go with the pain and excitement.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows