slipfast adj. longing to disappear completely; to melt into a crowd and become invisible, so you can take in the world without having to take part in it – free to wander through conversations without ever leaving footprints, free to dive deep into things without worrying about making a splash.

I used to be incredibly shy. When I first started going to conferences and events, I was like Tim. I didn’t want to participate. I wanted to listen, but if I were at the front of the room after a talk, I didn’t want to ask a question or be included. I wanted to be invisible and listen.

My life is different now, and I engage often with others. I enjoy seeing people and talking with them. I enjoy actively taking part in the world.

To a point.

There are times I want to feel slipfast, just being an observer of the world without participating.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows