anderance – n. the awareness that your partner perceives the relationship from a totally different angle than you – spending years looking at a different face across the table, listening for cues in a different voice = an odd reminder that no matter how much you have in common, you’re still in love with different people.

I often think of anderance since I spend a lot of time with my wife, in daily life, traveling, communicating with phones. I sometimes wonder why she sees things in my differently than I do. Maybe she sees more or less, maybe she has a different view of me than I do.

I realize that who I think I am, and who she thinks I am are a bit different. Not a lot, but a bit.

Probably the same for her.

It’s been 30 years, and it’s still amazing. And I still learn things about her, about me, and about us.

From the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows