Daily Coping 4 Mar 2021

I started to add a daily coping tip to the SQLServerCentral newsletter and to the Community Circle, which is helping me deal with the issues in the world. I’m adding my responses for each day here. All my coping tips are under this tag. 

Today’s tip is to actively listen to what people say, without judging them.

This is a challenge, especially while being remote from everyone. I see many people in meetings looking around, typing, checking phones, etc. Maybe not that different from some in person meetings, but it does feel often that people aren’t getting engaged.

I’m trying to do better. Yesterday I wrote about listening more to my daughter. Today I have been trying to do better with work meetings. I’m trying to listen more to others, focus on what they’re saying, not getting excited or upset, and absorbing their words. I’ll think about it and then give feedback on how I feel this works best for the organization or a wide variety of people, not just myself.

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1 Response to Daily Coping 4 Mar 2021

  1. Jen Stirrup says:

    This is very true. I’ll give you an example. In email, if I don’t know someone very well, I use people’s full given name e.g. ‘Andrew’ instead of ‘Andy’ but I’d address you as ‘Steve’ because I like and admire you. It’s partly an age thing, being a woman of a certain age, and in my business career that’s what you do.
    A while ago, someone flew off the handle, saying I was ‘diminishing’ them for not using their preferred shortened nickname in email, when, in fact, I had seen it as politeness to give them their Sunday name. Rather than listen to my viewpoint as a ‘diversity’ nugget of information – since age differences are an important part of the mix, and I am older – it all blew up and people stopped talking to me and I even received a sh1ttagram message over it.
    When people don’t have the facts, they judge. So my efforts to be respectful were translated into some nefarious intention, and I didn’t realize the strength of feeling about it until I got the Instagram message.
    I think that there is something more going on here. People, I think, are often more likely to judge unfairly if they are looking for reasons or excuses for doing so. Also, if they simply don’t like you.
    The whole judging piece is very important because it allows people to see the facts. However, not everyone wants to see that. They just want more to beat you over the head with.
    I have not been able to apologize or put my POV forward because of the heat; instead, I just felt it was better to walk away. If people are going to judge and hate you, they will do it whatever.

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